💭 Before We Fall in Love, Can We Be Friends?
Rethinking modern dating through intentional friendship, emotional clarity, and the underrated beauty of keeping your pants on.
🎭 Modern Dating Is Wild — And Not in a Good Way
I once went on a date where we matched over memes and bonded over mutual disappointment in humanity. Halfway through the evening, we were already swapping life trauma over spicy wings like a therapy session with extra sauce. By the second date, we were “exclusive,” and by the third, we were having red-district video chats. Shortly after, the ghosting was not as friendly as Casper (iykyk).
Welcome to modern dating. Where chemistry is instant, vulnerability is optional, and exclusivity is just a codeword for “I’m not seeing anyone else… for now.”
Modern dating is a beautiful mess — but mostly a mess.
We skip the foundation, jump straight into fire, and call it connection.
We catch feelings before we catch character.
And we wonder why everything feels shaky few weeks in
"If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?" — Psalm 11:3
Exactly.
So… what if we tried something different?
🌱 The Idea: A Lust-Free Friendship Before Dating
Dating today feels like trying to find Wi-Fi in a jungle — unstable, unpredictable, and usually fake.
Everyone wants connection, but we’ve wired ourselves to pursue it backwards.
We treat sexual exclusivity like it’s the highest form of commitment, when in reality, it often replaces the slow, necessary work of knowing someone’s actual soul. Lust blinds us, speed distracts us, and we end up asking, “Why does love never work out for me?”
“Flee from sexual immorality.” — 1 Corinthians 6:18
Lust doesn’t just tempt — it distorts. And in that distortion, we call confusion chemistry.
Let’s take the pressure off. Let’s get to know someone without the sexual spark blinding your eyes.
Let’s build trust before we test attraction.
• Who are you when nothing romantic is expected?
• Can we disagree and still respect each other?
• Do we even like each other’s pace, humor, lifestyle?
And yes — let's do all this for three months with zero sexual pressure.
Just clarity. Conversation. Calm.
"Love is patient..." — 1 Corinthians 13:4
Let’s not keep quoting it if we won’t live it.
💔 The Lies We’ve Believed About Dating
Let’s keep it real. Here are some myths that make our relationships crash faster than your last tinder date:
• If there’s no instant spark, it’s not meant to be
• Sex creates deeper connection (spoiler: it doesn’t)
• Everyone’s doing it, so I’m behind if I don’t
• Emotional boundaries are for “serious” relationships
• If they want to wait, they’re scared of love (or boring)
Some of these lies are just lust. Lust isn’t evil, but it’s a terrible architect. Here are a few facts about lust:
• It builds fast, not deep.
• It confuses chemistry for character.
• It silences red flags with butterflies.
• It invites guilt before trust.
It’s like using fire to measure how much oxygen a room has.
👀 Wait… No Kissing? No Pet Names? For 3 Months?
Imagine this: You meet someone. You're vibing. But instead of sprinting to physical intimacy or romantic expectations, you both commit to three months of intentional, non-intimate friendship. No sex. No kissing. Not even forehead touches. Just raw, awkward, beautiful clarity.
Because when you remove lust, you invite truth.
💡 1. Clarity Over Chemistry
Chemistry is a liar when it shows up first. Those butterflies make red flags look like carnival balloons. They should be brutally executed. Friendship slows you down long enough to actually see.
🧠 2. Lust-Free, Not Emotion-Free
You’re not a robot. Emotions will still happen — and that’s fine. But they’ll have room to breathe, not burn. You’ll talk, laugh, maybe argue about noodles in bread. You’ll learn each other’s character, not just their favourite food and colour.
⏳ 3. Time Reveals Truth
In 90 days, masks start to slip. Patterns emerge. You’ll know how they treat waiters, handle pressure, and whether their "godly" is just an Instagram bio.
“Can two walk together unless they agree?” — Amos 3:3
Real connection requires agreement — in values, vision, and character.
😂 But What If I Catch Feelings?
You probably will. But feelings are just invitations.
Friendship teaches you to examine them instead of obey them.
And let’s be honest — if a connection can’t survive without constant flirting or pressure, maybe it’s not connection. Maybe it’s a craving.
You shouldn’t just find someone attractive; but someone Safe, Whole, and Real. Let’s leave the rest for Davido & Wizkid 😂
“Lust demands. Love discerns.”
“If it’s real, it won’t rush you.”
📋 Challenge: The 90-Day Friendship Test
Let’s turn philosophy into practice. Here’s your 3-Month Intentional Friendship Challenge:
✅ No kissing, touching, or romantic entanglements
✅ Weekly meetups or calls that focus on values, lifestyle, and beliefs
✅ Ask deep questions. Listen without performance.
✅ Pray together. Laugh freely. Notice patterns.
✅ After 90 days, decide — with clarity — if this is a foundation worth building love on
Just intentional time. Clear conversations.
And yes — boundaries that don’t require a prayer of repentance every morning. 🙃
If it still feels right after three months?
Then move forward — not with pressure, but with peace.
"He that believes shall not make haste." — Isaiah 28:16
Translation: Trust doesn’t panic.
📋 Challenge: The Intentional Dating
I’m not saying this model is a formula.
I’m saying it’s a test of what’s real.
Because if someone can’t wait three months to see you clearly,
they might not want you — just what they think you’ll give them.
And if you’re building for longevity, friendship isn’t just a phase.
It’s the floor. The frame. The fuel.
No kissing, touching, or romantic entanglements
Physical intimacy creates emotional confusion. The goal here is clarity, not chemistry. You’re learning who they are, not how they feel in your arms.
Weekly meetups or calls that focus on values, lifestyle, and beliefs
Consistency breeds connection. Talk about what truly matters — how you live, what you believe, and where you’re headed.
Ask deep questions. Listen without performance.
This isn’t a job interview. Be real. Be curious. Don't just answer to impress — answer to connect.
Pray together. Laugh freely. Notice patterns.
Prayer reveals spirit. Laughter reveals ease. Patterns reveal truth. All three are better predictors than “vibes.”
No sexual or suggestive energy (yes, including that playlist)
Energy is everything. Keep the atmosphere pure. Even subtle suggestions can distort the honesty of the connection.
After 90 days, decide — with clarity — if this is a foundation worth building love on
This is the moment of truth. No guessing, no forcing. You’ll either see a future — or thank God you didn’t rush into one.
Just intentional time. Clear conversations.
And yes — boundaries that don’t require a prayer of repentance every morning. 🙃
If it still feels right after three months?
Then move forward — not with pressure, but with peace.
"He that believes shall not make haste." — Isaiah 28:16
Translation: Trust doesn’t panic.
"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." — Proverbs 4:23
So… guard it. With laughter. With boundaries.
With questions that don’t have hearts in the margins.And maybe—just maybe—with three months of slow, intentional, platonic friendship. It’s not old-fashioned.
It’s just mature.
We would like to know your thoughts
If this resonated — or you’re screaming inside — share it, save it, or email me your take. I don’t promise answers, but I promise to reply like a friend.
I can also send you a copy of the 3 months guide I use when exploring new connections.
